I just turned on screen scaling on my iPhone. Yet another confirmation that I’m old.

#humor

Hey Lumber Liquidators what the hell does someone do with liquid wood?

#pedantry #humor

I live in NJ. Trust me. The only thing Chris Christie is going to save us from is leftovers.

#GOP #humor

Wasn’t Pumpkin Spice the fat one?

#SpiceGirls #humor

10th wedding anniversary dinner. #Apple Watch told me it was time to stand. I totally did.

#family #humor

Taco Bell, I don’t think that’s how it works. Hanging a sign over the soda machine doesn’t make it a Tiki Bar.

#pedantry #humor

Using Photoshop I totally solved the whole Starbucks #WarOnChristmas red cup thing.

#atheism #politics #humor

Notice anything odd about the CAPTCHA choices?

#humor

It’s official: no one can make a decent cheese grater. Mars we can do. Grate cheese? Not so much.

#food #humor

Today in school our 9-year-old actually had to compare apples and oranges. They were surprisingly similar.

#pedantry #family #humor

Human DNA found on the Shroud of Turin. Human DNA found in hot dogs. Therefore Jesus was a hot dog.

#atheism #humor

So apparently there’s a WordPress plugin named “WangGuard”.

#tech #humor

Didn’t one of the Village People dress up as a macrobiologist?

#humor

“Gwynedd Mercy University: helping students earn their degrees for over 50 years.” That's a long time to go to school.

#pedantry #humor

“And I-ran… Iran’s so far away…”

#music #humor

Biologists discover evidence of the elusive unipus, the one-armed ancestor of the modern octopus. Wait. It was an eel.

#science #humor

Sci Show episode "What causes sunburns?"… um, I’ll go out on a limb and say “the sun”.

#humor

KFC commercial ends with “…it’s finger.” I KNEW IT!

#humor

Cruising in my MINI. Then I saw someone’s grandmother driving the same car as me. Same color. Cooler mirrors. Time to get a new car.

#family #humor

Daughter: “Daddy, what’s a protractor?”

Me: “That’s a tractor that gets paid.”

#family #humor #DadJoke

When your #twitter timeline goes horribly wrong.

#humor

I think we can all agree that Chris Christie should NEVER wear athletic pants.

#humor #politics

Callipygian: pertaining to or having finely developed buttocks. #YOUREWELCOME.

#pedantry #humor

While shopping I realized that they really need to put the boogey boards near the Kleenex.

#humor #pedantry

Our 8-year-old pulls rice out of her sleeve at Chipotle and declares “I’m full of grains.”

#family #humor #chloe