My teenager loves to tell me how she works around the parental controls I’ve set up on our home network and mobile devices. I should be pissed but I’m weirdly proud.

#family #tech #humor #chloe

Another amazing life observation by The Oatmeal. Please get this in front of everyone you know.

You're not going to believe what I'm about to tell you - The Oatmeal

theoatmeal.com

#family #politics #philosophy #science

Yuki likes to keep up on the war in Ukraine.

#cats #family

Little boys are similar even across species. Looks like he found a fort and fell asleep in it. Guess they’re his pillows now.

#cats #family

Learning how to obsess over clean paws.

#cats #family

#Chloe spent like an hour making this. FINALLY having kids is paying off!

#family

Being watched from behind. All. Day. Long.

#cats #family #humor

The making of a free-range Nerd Airbender.

#family #chloe

I call this “the pensive airbender”.

#family

The U.S. Postal Service cares. They care so much that they included the severed finger in the bag with the damaged piece of mail.

#humor #family

Best trip to Lowes EVER. Walked in alongside an elderly gentleman wearing a U.S. flag tank top. He started talking to me as we walked in.

Him while putting on his mask without covering his nose: “This is all Democrat nonsense.”

Me: “Oh yeah?”

Him: “Democrats control everything believe me. Elect Biden and see what happens.”

Me: “Yeah, I want 4 more years of this.”

Him, visibly upset: “Trump didn’t cause this pandemic!”

Me: “No, Trump is killing people by not doing anything about it.”

Him: “You’re an asshole.”

Me: “That’s where you’re going? Nice mouth.”

#family #covid #GOP

“Dad, if a bra is called an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, why aren’t men’s underwear called an under-the-butt-nut-hut?”

— Our 12-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Last night I got charged by a growling raccoon. I’m married with kids. So I was ready.

#family #humor

Interesting. 8-year-old Goya Spanish (yellow) rice is brown when cooked.

#family #food #humor

My daughter’s swim team has a “lost and found”. There are two sombreros in the lost and found.

#family #humor #MariachiSwimming

Really thankful right now for cats that eat other cats’ vomit.

#cats #family #humor

10th wedding anniversary dinner. #Apple Watch told me it was time to stand. I totally did.

#family #humor

Today in school our 9-year-old actually had to compare apples and oranges. They were surprisingly similar.

#pedantry #family #humor

“The only stencil in art is your mind.”

— Our 9-year-old

#family #wisdom #chloe

Our 9-year-old just made a Halloween Advent Calendar.

#family

Cruising in my MINI. Then I saw someone’s grandmother driving the same car as me. Same color. Cooler mirrors. Time to get a new car.

#family #humor

Daughter: “Daddy, what’s a protractor?”

Me: “That’s a tractor that gets paid.”

#family #humor #DadJoke

Our 8-year-old pulls rice out of her sleeve at Chipotle and declares “I’m full of grains.”

#family #humor #chloe

“I wonder if your Gluteus Maximus can be pierced.”

— Our 8-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

My wife took my daughter to Party City for birthday party paraphernalia, which made me think: who's the comptroller of Party City?

#family #pedantry #humor