Search Results for “#family”

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My teenager loves to tell me how she works around the parental controls I’ve set up on our home network and mobile devices. I should be pissed but I’m weirdly proud.

#family #tech #humor #chloe

Feb 26

Another amazing life observation by The Oatmeal. Please get this in front of everyone you know.

You're not going to believe what I'm about to tell you - The Oatmeal
You're not going to believe what I'm about to tell you - The Oatmeal

theoatmeal.com

#family #politics #philosophy #science

Feb 14

Yuki likes to keep up on the war in Ukraine.

#cats #family

Oct 11, 2022

Little boys are similar even across species. Looks like he found a fort and fell asleep in it. Guess they’re his pillows now.

#cats #family

Jun 5, 2021

Learning how to obsess over clean paws.

#cats #family

May 24, 2021

#Chloe spent like an hour making this. FINALLY having kids is paying off!

#family

Jan 1, 2021

Being watched from behind. All. Day. Long.

#cats #family #humor

Dec 1, 2020

The making of a free-range Nerd Airbender.

#family #chloe

Oct 31, 2020

I call this “the pensive airbender”.

#family

Oct 31, 2020

The U.S. Postal Service cares. They care so much that they included the severed finger in the bag with the damaged piece of mail.

#humor #family

Jul 29, 2020

Best trip to Lowes EVER. Walked in alongside an elderly gentleman wearing a U.S. flag tank top. He started talking to me as we walked in.

Him while putting on his mask without covering his nose: “This is all Democrat nonsense.”

Me: “Oh yeah?”

Him: “Democrats control everything believe me. Elect Biden and see what happens.”

Me: “Yeah, I want 4 more years of this.”

Him, visibly upset: “Trump didn’t cause this pandemic!”

Me: “No, Trump is killing people by not doing anything about it.”

Him: “You’re an asshole.”

Me: “That’s where you’re going? Nice mouth.”

#family #covid #GOP

Jul 12, 2020

“Dad, if a bra is called an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, why aren’t men’s underwear called an under-the-butt-nut-hut?”

— Our 12-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Jun 8, 2019

Last night I got charged by a growling raccoon. I’m married with kids. So I was ready.

#family #humor

Feb 8, 2019

Interesting. 8-year-old Goya Spanish (yellow) rice is brown when cooked.

#family #food #humor

Dec 28, 2017

Really thankful right now for cats that eat other cats’ vomit.

#cats #family #humor

Aug 26, 2016

10th wedding anniversary dinner. #Apple Watch told me it was time to stand. I totally did.

#family #humor

Dec 5, 2015

Today in school our 9-year-old actually had to compare apples and oranges. They were surprisingly similar.

#pedantry #family #humor

Nov 3, 2015

“The only stencil in art is your mind.”

— Our 9-year-old

#family #wisdom #chloe

Oct 17, 2015

Our 9-year-old just made a Halloween Advent Calendar.

#family

Oct 15, 2015

Cruising in my MINI. Then I saw someone’s grandmother driving the same car as me. Same color. Cooler mirrors. Time to get a new car.

#family #humor

Jul 1, 2015

Daughter: “Daddy, what’s a protractor?”

Me: “That’s a tractor that gets paid.”

#family #humor #DadJoke

Jun 27, 2015

Our 8-year-old pulls rice out of her sleeve at Chipotle and declares “I’m full of grains.”

#family #humor #chloe

Mar 6, 2015

“I wonder if your Gluteus Maximus can be pierced.”

— Our 8-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Jan 29, 2015

My wife took my daughter to Party City for birthday party paraphernalia, which made me think: who's the comptroller of Party City?

#family #pedantry #humor

Oct 9, 2014

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