I've come to the conclusion that one of our cats is decorative, and the other is interactive.

#cats #humor

Terry Gilliam: The Christmas Card.

Terry Gilliam - The Christmas Card

www.youtube.com

#humor

Things you never thought you'd say: “Pay attention! You're petting the cat's balls. Stop watching TV and pet the cat properly.”

#family #humor #chloe

Holiday gift buying tip: don't buy your wife a Visa gift card and pay for it with your Visa.

#family #humor

Our 5-year-old pulls a Varuca Salt on me: “Daddy, you ALWAYS make things difficult.”

#family #humor #chloe

Server to our 5-year-old: “What did you ask Santa to get you for Christmas?”

Our 5-year-old: “Supreme Court stuff.”

#family #humor #chloe

“I put my socks out there [in the hamper]. They smelled like Minnesota.”

— Our 5-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

“What is that horrible stench? Mommy, want to smell my farts?”

— Our 5-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Our 5-year-old: “Why do I have to go to bed when it's early in the morning?”

Me: “It's not morning.”

Our 5-year-old: “It is in my world. This is my world now.”

#family #humor #chloe

“Daddy, there's a cave. Let's go spelunking.”

— Our 5-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

“Be quiet you blathering fool.”

— Our 5-year-old (to me)

#family #humor #chloe

Our 5-year-old: “Look, mommy, a pond!”

Mom: “No, that's marshland.”

Our 5-year-old: “Do Martians live there?”

#family #humor #chloe

Not sure whether I should be flattered or insulted. Dentist used photos of my mouth in their brochure to show off Invisalign skills.

#family #humor

As I squeezed some soy beans out of the pod…

“Daddy, they're giving birth.”

— Our 5-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

“If I want to look like a grown up I also have to talk and act like a grown up.”

— Our 5-year-old (regarding big kid PJs)

#family #humor #chloe

Misleading term of the day: ball joints.

#pedantry #humor

Great resource for any human to use to facilitate socialization with other humans.

#philosophy #humor

Last American Who Knew What The Fuck He Was Doing Dies.

Last American Who Knew What The Fuck He Was Doing Dies

www.theonion.com

#apple #humor

#Chloe doing her best Shaun the Sheep impression.

#family #humor

Heat, pressure and time: the three things that make a diamond also make a waffle and a lone gunman.

#pedantry #humor #philosophy

Me: “What do you think your sister wants?”

Our 4-year-old: “I think she wants her boobs rubbed.”

#family #humor #chloe

From 1.0 To Windows 8, How Far Microsoft Has Come…

From 1.0 To Windows 8, How Far Microsoft Has Come... [Humor]

www.cultofmac.com

#tech #humor

“I have cramps sometimes too, mommy.”

— Our 4-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Me to our 4-year-old: “Sorry, we don't have any gherkins for you to try.”

Our 4-year-old: “I just want the damn pickles.”

#family #humor #chloe

Though sesquipedalian, I eschew obfuscation whenever possible.

#pedantry #humor