Daughter: “Daddy, what’s a protractor?”

Me: “That’s a tractor that gets paid.”

#family #humor #DadJoke

When your #twitter timeline goes horribly wrong.

#humor

I think we can all agree that Chris Christie should NEVER wear athletic pants.

#humor #politics

Before the Newton and Palm Pilot… before we were ready to give up paper, there was the Casio BOSS. I loved mine!

#tech #gadget

Callipygian: pertaining to or having finely developed buttocks. #YOUREWELCOME.

#pedantry #humor

While shopping I realized that they really need to put the boogey boards near the Kleenex.

#humor #pedantry

We have a right to offend people and they have a right to complain. It’s called discourse. Ideas don’t have dignity.

#opinion

Our 8-year-old pulls rice out of her sleeve at Chipotle and declares “I’m full of grains.”

#family #humor #chloe

How many permutations of the term “clean up” can we put in this dialog? LOTS.

#Windows #tech #pedantry

“I wonder if your Gluteus Maximus can be pierced.”

— Our 8-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Why chihuahuas don’t run in the snow…

- YouTube

youtu.be

#YOUREWELCOME #humor

Sometimes your body exceeds its design specification. And not in a good way.

#humor #science

What to name the calendar event for a litter box cleaning reminder? I know: excavate excrement! Pretentious and alliterative.

#pedantry #humor

My wife took my daughter to Party City for birthday party paraphernalia, which made me think: who's the comptroller of Party City?

#family #pedantry #humor

Life imitating art? This is #Microsoft #Windows satire from 2013 that became a real news story in 2014.

Microsoft skips ‘too good’ Windows 9, jumps to Windows 10

bit.ly

#tech

Alarm Clock Pro: The premiere mobile app for professional or expert sleepers.

#pedantry #tech #humor

IBM builds a scalable computer chip inspired by the human brain. Skynet is born.

IBM Builds A Scalable Computer Chip Inspired By The Human Brain

onforb.es

#tech

“Daddy I wish that people with no butt had a butt spray to use every day and they put on their pants and have a butt and it doesn't stain!”

— Our 8-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

How does an oral surgeon perform actual surgery with their mouth?

#pedantry #humor

How I woke up today: Our 7-year old kissing me on the cheek and saying, “Good morning, hoagie pits” and running out of the room.

#family #humor #chloe

“What do you think you are, a blueberry pancake? You silly cat.”

— My wife talking in her sleep

#family #humor #wife

“Daddy watch my bed. It likes to go running off.”

— Our 7-year-old (going to brush before bed)

#family #humor #chloe

Clean energy house prototype ends one year trial with an energy surplus.

#tech #science

I told the cashier at Dairy Queen that I always get a black and white cone because I'm color blind.

#pedantry #humor

“Taco cat” spelled backwards is “Taco cat”. #YOUREWELCOME.

#pedantry #humor