If they discover treasure on @CurseOfOak Island it will be a cache of chests filled with ox shoes.

#tv #humor

My new porn name is “choking hazard”.

#humor

I wonder if @RBReich is a third generation Robert Reich but he doesn’t tell people because of all the Third Reich jokes.

#politics #humor

These Windows Updates seem a little dated… and impossible.

#Windows #pedantry #humor

Argentini’s law states that the number of people annoyed by a car’s size, appearance, and/or sound is inversely proportional to the number of hugs the driver received as a child.

#philosophy #humor

Damn this pandemic. Our township is making all the kids wear masks on Halloween.

#covid #humor

Yep.

Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks

www.mcsweeneys.net

#covid #politics #humor

It’s amazing to me that in 2021 there are still people who believe in round earth theory.

#atheism #humor

Life hack: you can take pills with a drink of water instead of hiding them in your food.

#YOUREWELCOME #humor

Are AAA batteries really that difficult to acquire and install.

#pedantry #humor

He may be a nut cake but you have to admire his commitment.

#atheism #humor

The next time a manned SpaceX rocket lands, everyone wear ape costumes.

#humor

I just realized that John Cougar Mellencamp thinks that 16-year-olds eat chili dogs by sucking on them.

#pedantry #humor

Apparently there’s a Japanese knock-off of Campbell’s Alphabet Soup. It only has pasta numbers and it’s named “Ramen Numerals”.

#humor

I think my hip hop name is Public Enema.

#humor

Grammar. Matters.

#pedantry #humor

I want to know how many fauxs must be killed and skinned to make a leather chair.

#pedantry #humor

If you purchased a FractureMe of an X-Ray of your broken leg, would that be a Fracture of a fracture?

#pedantry #humor

#Apple Watch owners, what does it mean when you get off the toilet and your watch congratulates you for closing your activity rings? Asking for a friend.

#tech #humor

No part of the animal is wasted making these gummies.

#pedantry #humor

WARNING: frozen lobster tails contain shellfish.

#pedantry #humor

To the people at @TotalGym, I don’t think the word “hero” means what you think it means.

#pedantry #humor

I’ve wondered the same thing for decades.

Pringles Update: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (Web Exclusive)

youtu.be

#food #humor

Being watched from behind. All. Day. Long.

#cats #family #humor

Contrary to the false claims of #Trump supporters, dead people did NOT vote in Michigan. They were at the polls looking for “brains”.

#politics #humor