This #SuperBowl is like watching erectile dysfunction porn.

#sports #humor

While reading tech articles I just saw an article titled “backend as a service”. Is that even legal?

#tech #humor

So if it’s a “Russia Witch Hunt Hoax”, does that mean it’s not a witch hunt?

#trump #pedantry #humor

“A man who has to be chained to his bed has problems.”

Excerpt From Belgarath the Sorcerer by David Eddings

#humor #wisdom

Hey Applebees do riblets come from piglets?

#humor

“The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”

— Harlan Ellison

#humor

I love fine print. Empire Today offers $50 per extra room when you get flooring. Apparently that excludes materials, pad, and installation. I wonder what it actually includes.

#tv #humor

If I were a manatee I’d want to be named Hugh.

#humor

Hey Lacroix Water, I found this silver can in a box of cran-berry from Target. Do I win a tour of the water factory? I want to see the orange dwarves.

#humor

I’m still not sure why Ancestry DNA requires a sperm sample.

#humor

“Gwyneth Paltrow’s Company Goop Pushes An At-Home Coffee Enema Kit In Its Latest Beauty Guide.”

I'm waiting for the “at my adult child’s apartment” enema kit.

#humor

“Gwyneth Paltrow’s Company Goop Pushes An At-Home Coffee Enema Kit In Its Latest Beauty Guide.”

Where else would you give yourself an enema?

#humor

PARENTING PRO TIP: Those things we use to store old plastic grocery store bags are also great for teaching kids how a human colon works.

#humor #YOUREWELCOME

Interesting. 8-year-old Goya Spanish (yellow) rice is brown when cooked.

#family #food #humor

Interesting that Hulu has “Disney: The Rescuers” next to “The Human Centipede 3”. I know of no universe where that makes any sense.

#humor

My daughter’s swim team has a “lost and found”. There are two sombreros in the lost and found.

#family #humor #MariachiSwimming

Podiatric dentistry is WAY more interesting that pediatric dentistry.

#pedantry #humor

Anatomically correct unicorn.

#pedantry #humor

Prefamulated amulite surmounted by a maleable logarythmic casing. We all need this.

Entabulator.wmv

www.youtube.com

#humor

Looks like cousin Eddie drove the RV to the White House and found Clark's asshole boss running the place.

#trump #humor

Happy Zombie Jesus Day! Remember: nails don’t kill him. You have to remove his head.

#atheism #humor

I wonder if the new #IKEA smart lightbulbs come in a box with glass domes, screw connectors, and unsoldered LEDs.

#humor

#iPhone autocorrect, you win. I’m just going to call them “hit dogs” and start living the dream.

#Apple #iOS #humor

Ironically, the site is down right now.

Helps you find whether the website you are trying to browse is down or not. Check if the website is down just for you or everyone around the globe.

isitdownrightnow.com

#tech #humor

Asked wife what I should bring home from store. iOS spell correct reminded me of the BIG difference between “fruit cups” and “fruit cops”.

#pedantry #humor #Apple #iOS