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“Daddy I wish that people with no butt had a butt spray to use every day and they put on their pants and have a butt and it doesn't stain!”

— Our 8-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Aug 9, 2014

How does an oral surgeon perform actual surgery with their mouth?

#pedantry #humor

Aug 6, 2014

How I woke up today: Our 7-year old kissing me on the cheek and saying, “Good morning, hoagie pits” and running out of the room.

#family #humor #chloe

Aug 2, 2014

“What do you think you are, a blueberry pancake? You silly cat.”

— My wife talking in her sleep

#family #humor #wife

Jul 26, 2014

“Daddy watch my bed. It likes to go running off.”

— Our 7-year-old (going to brush before bed)

#family #humor #chloe

Jul 17, 2014

Clean energy house prototype ends one year trial with an energy surplus.

Clean energy home ends 12-month trial with surplus | Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science
Clean energy home ends 12-month trial with surplus | Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science

bit.ly

#tech #science

Jul 14, 2014

I told the cashier at Dairy Queen that I always get a black and white cone because I'm color blind.

#pedantry #humor

Jul 13, 2014

Most people don't really know what “agnostic” means, yet they use it as an adjective for everything. I think they're “agnostic-agnostic”.

#pedantry #humor

May 15, 2014

Why do drive-up ATMs have Braille on the keypad keys.

#pedantry #humor

May 13, 2014

Chloe: “Daddy, what's 7 + 5?”

Me: “A math problem.”

Chloe: “What does it EQUAL?”

Me: “Do the math.”

Chloe: “I don't feel like it.”

#family #humor #chloe

May 3, 2014

Fun Fact: Dihydrogen Monoxide is a major component of acid rain, and great for removing soil from clothing.

#pedantry #humor

Apr 27, 2014

A great user experience is the happy byproduct of technologies that delight with deference for user and business goals.

#tech #philosophy

Apr 25, 2014

My Wife: “Chloe, come up to get a shower.”

Chloe: “I can't. I'm showering daddy with luxury.”

#family #humor #chloe

Apr 23, 2014

Woman in front of me hands clerk a fifty. “Do you have anything smaller?” I so wanted to say “Our paper currency only comes in one size.”

#pedantry #humor

Apr 16, 2014

Our 7-year-old: “I like tulips.”

Me: “I like 3 lips.”

Our 7-year-old: “ugh. I just got Michaeled didn't I?”

#family #humor #chloe

Apr 4, 2014

When my cat meows for me to come out of the bathroom, I yell that I'm “using the litter box” like she'll understand that better.

#cats #humor

Mar 29, 2014

Hey CNN you shouldn't return from every single commercial break with a “Breaking News” segue. Repeated conjecture is not breaking news.

#tv #pedantry

Mar 27, 2014

Ironically, though children have better hearing than adults, they don't understand nearly as much of what they hear.

#philosophy

Mar 8, 2014

“Daddy, when I wake up in the morning my breath smells like a butt's butt.”

— Our 7-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Mar 8, 2014

Roku adds “Streaming Stick” to its device lineup. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.

#tech #pedantry #humor

Mar 5, 2014

“Daddy, your head is the shape of Mount Baldy.”

— Our 7-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Feb 28, 2014

“Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.”

— Napoleon Bonaparte

#philosophy

Feb 23, 2014

I am not a hipster. I am merely enstubbled.

#pedantry #humor

Feb 18, 2014

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