Browsing Posts / Page 27 of 33

National Geographic photographer Jim Richardson endorses #iPhone camera. I expect #Samsung will now get a Playboy photographer endorsement.

#tech #humor

Oct 8, 2013

Trying to understand why Lady Gaga wanted to be “free to express herself” with her new album when she's already worn a gown made of meat.

#music #humor

Sep 29, 2013

Us: “Chloe, we missed you today! You were gone all day on your first day of first grade!”

Chloe: “You’ll get used to it.”

#family #humor #chloe

Sep 6, 2013

I'm a better inadvertent gardener than a deliberate one.

#family #humor

Sep 6, 2013

Me: “Why aren’t one-piece bikinis called unikinis?”

Wife: “They’re named after a place.”

#JokeRuined #family #humor #wife

Aug 22, 2013

Face it, cable companies: you will be nothing more than ISPs. And that’s okay.

#tech #prediction

Jul 27, 2013

My wife saw a shooting star and the first thing I thought was “Am I the only one without a gun?”

#pedantry #humor

Jul 26, 2013

A great part of parenting children 7 and younger: you can tell them to act their shoe size and not their age.

#family #humor

Jul 22, 2013

Locking yourself out of the house is the best way to find out that you were never meant to be a burglar.

#family #humor

Jul 14, 2013

My undercover video from deep within the bowels of an energy drink testing facility…

My undercover video from deep within the bowels of an energy drink testing facility…
My undercover video from deep within the bowels of an energy drink testing facility…

moby.to

#family #humor

Jul 6, 2013

“If I give you $20 can I have a crush?”

— Our 6-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Jul 5, 2013

“I can put it in. I’m old enough to screw.”

— Our 6-year-old

(petitioning me to let her install a battery into a clock radio.)

#family #humor #chloe

Jul 2, 2013

Overheard: “No, Chloe, it’s the PEANUT Gallery, not the PENIS Gallery.”

#family #humor #chloe

Jun 30, 2013

“UN Team investigating chemical weapons in Syria arrives in Turkey.” They must have used #Apple Maps.

#tech #humor

Jun 29, 2013

Product idea: “Silly Catheter”.

#humor

Jun 18, 2013

“Can you find me a potion to turn me into a princess?”

— Our 6-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

Jun 10, 2013

Estée Lauder and Calvin Klein have great makeup sex.

#pedantry #humor

Jun 6, 2013

“Mom, a fish used a whoopy cushion under water. How’s that possible? You can’t put a whoopy cushion full of air under water!”

— Our 6-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

May 15, 2013

“Know why I like the elderly? Because they’re full of wisdom and experience.”

— Our 6-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

May 5, 2013

“I have to work on my evil laugh. It’s getting a little rusty.”

— Our 6-year-old

#family #humor #chloe

May 4, 2013

Unisom: “Sleep like nature intended.” = sleep on manufactured bedding materials while on chemical depressants.

#humor

May 4, 2013

Is there such a thing as ground penetrating gaydar?

#humor

May 1, 2013

First awakened by cat licking my armpit. Then awakened by different cat jumping and landing on my groin. Funny thing is I don’t own cats.

#family #cats #humor

Apr 26, 2013

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