Today in school our 9-year-old actually had to compare apples and oranges. They were surprisingly similar.

#pedantry #family #humor

“Gwynedd Mercy University: helping students earn their degrees for over 50 years.” That's a long time to go to school.

#pedantry #humor

Callipygian: pertaining to or having finely developed buttocks. #YOUREWELCOME.

#pedantry #humor

While shopping I realized that they really need to put the boogey boards near the Kleenex.

#humor #pedantry

How many permutations of the term “clean up” can we put in this dialog? LOTS.

#Windows #tech #pedantry

What to name the calendar event for a litter box cleaning reminder? I know: excavate excrement! Pretentious and alliterative.

#pedantry #humor

My wife took my daughter to Party City for birthday party paraphernalia, which made me think: who's the comptroller of Party City?

#family #pedantry #humor

Alarm Clock Pro: The premiere mobile app for professional or expert sleepers.

#pedantry #tech #humor

How does an oral surgeon perform actual surgery with their mouth?

#pedantry #humor

I told the cashier at Dairy Queen that I always get a black and white cone because I'm color blind.

#pedantry #humor

“Taco cat” spelled backwards is “Taco cat”. #YOUREWELCOME.

#pedantry #humor

Most people don't really know what “agnostic” means, yet they use it as an adjective for everything. I think they're “agnostic-agnostic”.

#pedantry #humor

Why do drive-up ATMs have Braille on the keypad keys.

#pedantry #humor

Fun Fact: Dihydrogen Monoxide is a major component of acid rain, and great for removing soil from clothing.

#pedantry #humor

Woman in front of me hands clerk a fifty. “Do you have anything smaller?” I so wanted to say “Our paper currency only comes in one size.”

#pedantry #humor

Hey CNN you shouldn't return from every single commercial break with a “Breaking News” segue. Repeated conjecture is not breaking news.

#tv #pedantry

Roku adds “Streaming Stick” to its device lineup. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.

#tech #pedantry #humor

I am not a hipster. I am merely enstubbled.

#pedantry #humor

That's great, but how do we get to the sun?

Ford to debut solar car at Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas

cnnmon.ie

#pedantry #humor

If I see one more person write “Barns and Nobles” I’m going to lose it. It’s book store not an aristocratic farm supply company.

#pedantry

“Woman killed in cougar attack” Maybe she should have dated men her own age.

#pedantry #humor

My wife saw a shooting star and the first thing I thought was “Am I the only one without a gun?”

#pedantry #humor

Estée Lauder and Calvin Klein have great makeup sex.

#pedantry #humor

My daughter used concealer on her face but I could still totally see her face.

#pedantry #family #humor #DadJoke

My New Years resolution is 1920x1080.

#pedantry #humor