I wish these political surrogates would just tell us the fact of the matter or the truth or the reality of the situation.

#political #tv #humor

#Trump #MAGA #humor

#Trump #MAGA #humor

#Trump #MAGA #humor

If Melania #Trump wants to stop cyber bullying on services like Twitter she should start by deleting the #twitter app from Donald’s phone.

Eat a chocolate chip cookie before you brush your teeth. It’s like brushing with Junior Mints.

#YOUREWELCOME #humor

“You need a root canal. Why not do it yourself?” (if Wix was a dental office).

#tech #humor

Irony: the new water resistant #Apple #iPhone 7 has a warranty that doesn’t cover liquid damage.

You can’t hedge on this. It’s either jimmies OR sprinkles.

#ItsJimmies #humor #pedantry

Let's hope this is a trend.

University of Chicago Strikes Back Against Campus Political Correctness (Published 2016)

www.nytimes.com

#opinion

How do you shop from the comfort of your own home if your home isn’t very comfortable?

#pedantry #humor

Really thankful right now for cats that eat other cats’ vomit.

#cats #family #humor

#MAGA #Trump #humor

The ancient Half-Dog is now extinct for obvious reasons.

#science #humor

Art print by Janet Van Asshole?

#pedantry #humor

On the highway wife asks me what exactly they do at weigh stations. I told her they make sure trucks have enough curds.

#pedantry #humor

This is Billy the Chantix guy. Be nice to Billy. In a few years he’ll help us defeat aliens.

#tv #humor

Someone told me that there are a lot of dicks in Johnsonville, TN.

#DickJokes #humor #pedantry

My wife added a lime to her water and inadvertently made homeopathic Corona.

#humor

Yellow jackets are wasps not bees. They eat nectar. They feed insects, meat, and fish to their larvae.

#pedantry #science

I hope that #Trump's intelligence briefings are actually briefings about how to be intelligent.

#pedantry #humor

How can Blackberry claim their DTEK 50 phone is the most secure when it’s not on the market yet? Security claims require time.

#tech #security #opinion

Seriously, I think “The Situation” should really have a room on CNN.

#pedantry #tv #humor

And he’d make Chipotle pay for it.

#trump #GOP

NBC Universal passes on sales losses from BitTorrent piracy to legit consumers. Higher prices. Yeah, that’ll encourage people to buy movies.

#tech #opinion